When was the last time that someone really listened to you? Can you remember? When was the last time that you felt someone really wanted to get to know you? If you can remember you are truly blessed.
At the 2020 Grammy Awards, artist Demi Lovato took the stage for the first time in more than eighteen months. She performed her song Anyone, an emotional and urgent cry from the heart that she had written just hours before being hospitalized for a drug overdose. As Lovato finished singing and opened her eyes, the stunned and tearful audience rose to its feet in support. I would have joined them if I had been there. My guess is that it was more than Lovato's soulful voice that moved the crowd. Her vulnerability and need gripped us as she sang her lament:
"Tired of empty conversation
'Cause no one hears me anymore...
Anyone, please send me anyone.
Lord, is there anyone?
I need someone."
Whether seated in the audience or watching from home, many of us could identify with her words. Deep down, we all want to know that someone understands us, hears us, and cares about us. The irony, however, is that her lyrics revealed that she already knew Someone was listening. Not only was she singing before millions of viewers, but she repeatedly cried out, "Lord, is there anyone?" Even in the midst of her doubts, God was listening.
Most of us know what it feels like to be lonely, unseen, weak, or misunderstood. Demi Lovato is not the only one. Yet her song also points to a deeper truth: we need more than just anyone to listen to us. We need the One who hears our cries, cares for us, and gathers us into a community where people genuinely listen and love one another.
Love For Others Begins With Listening
In his book the Life Together, the renowned, German pastor and theologian, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, wrote- “The first service that one owes to others in the fellowship consists in listening to them. Just as love to God begins by listening to His Word, so the beginning of love for others is learning to listen to them. It is God’s love for us that He not only gives His Word, but He lends his ear.
God Listens to His People
Throughout the Bible many passages point to God being a God who listens to his people: Psalm 94 asks- “Does he who fashioned the ear not hear?” 1 Peter 3:12 says- “For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer. “Psalm 66:19- “But truly God has listened; he has attended to the voice of my prayer.”
God Calls Us To Listen To His People
As God’s image bearers we are all called to listen in the same way God does. Bonhoeffer continues, “It is His work that we do for our brother or sister when we learn to listen to them. Christians, especially pastors, so often think they must always contribute something when they are in the company of others, that this is the one service they have to render. They forget that listening can be a greater service than speaking.
The importance of listening in interpersonal relationships cannot be overemphasized. Great communication skills, and therefore great listening skills, are one of the cornerstones of a good relationship, whether it is with your spouse, children, parents, colleagues or friends. The following stories are examples of this.
Being Present And Listening Makes All The Difference
A number of years ago I learned how listening could powerfully impact another person’s life and express love to another person. This took place after my neighbor, Edie, lost her long-time husband. I want to visit her, muffins in tow, and we sat together at her kitchen table. As I sat there, I was a little apprehensive. I was a young woman with little experience comforting someone who was grieving. I was not sure what to say so I decided to just listen, and my listening provided an opportunity for my neighbor to open up, unburden herself and grieve. It was such a privilege to be present as she reminisced about her late husband and their life together. She talked, I listened and we laughed together and we cried together. And I was just present.
Tim Keller once described having attended a reunion at the first church he had pastored in rural VA. This was years after he planted Redeemer Presbyterian Church in NYC and had obtained a high degree of notoriety. At the reunion members of his former church were asked what they remembered most about Keller. Interestingly enough, they did not say that he preached great sermons, which he did, or that he was a terrific teacher, which he was. No! As I recall one man recollected that Keller was at the bedside of his wife when she was dying. Another couple said that Keller was at the jail with them after their son was arrested. Still another couple recollected that he was with them when their child was gravely ill. They could not even remember what he said but they remembered that he was fully present with them and he listened well.
Try to remember the last time someone really listened to you? Can you remember the last time? If you can you are blessed. How often do you experience a person really wanting to get to know you?
Unfortunately, someone really listening to you is a rare occurrence.
Good communication is important in every healthy relationship, but it is especially important in marriage. Many marital conflicts are not caused by a lack of love but by a failure to listen well.
In marriage counseling, I help couples learn how to slow down, understand one another, and develop the listening skills that foster deeper connection and intimacy. When spouses feel heard, understood, and valued, their relationship often begins to change in profound ways.
Deeper Intimacy Is Possible With Marriage Counseling
If you are struggling to connect with your spouse, I would be honored to help. Together, we can work toward cultivating the deep intimacy and friendship that help a marriage flourish. Contact me today for a free 15-minute consultation at 973-464-2759